So what's going on?

I'm not back yet. Which isn't a good thing. My back problems are much improved, to the point where an experiment with serious exercise is coming up. My physio says I can try BJJ if I'm careful and sensible and stop as soon as there's fatigue in my lower back.

So why haven't I gone yet? Last week I packed up my gear on Saturday and then didn't go. This week I had a real excuse because there was a seminar on and I'm not exactly in position to get a lot out of a seminar just at the moment.

The answer is reasonably obvious. I'm scared of BJJ at the moment. I'm not scared because I'm going to suck and get submitted by everyone and anyone. That much is obvious. I'm supposed to suck and get submitted by everyone.

So really I'm not scared of BJJ. I'm scared of my back. It's a pretty useless piece of machinery at the best of times, but I really don't want to be in the position I've just escaped where everyday life is constantly painful. Not doing exercise however is a pretty fast ticket to nowhere, because my back won't get stronger and I'll really be more likely to hurt myself again. I'm not even likely to actually hurt myself training so long as I warm up properly and ease into training sensibly until I actually have some level of fitness back.

So no more screwing around. I'm going to class on Saturday. I'm going to take it easy and see how I feel and most definitely only roll (lightly) if it's feeling OK, and I'm going to stop when my back has had enough. Then it'll be a fact finding mission to see how much it hurts the next day. Fun and games!